His Hands

“It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was YOUR right hand, YOUR arm, and the light of your face, for you LOVED them.” Psalm 44:3

This was one of the chapters I read for my devotions this morning and I am just overwhelmed by God’s love for me. I’ve definitely been on a journey this school year since September. A total faith walk, a time where I couldn’t do anything but trust God and lean on HIM for everything I’ve needed. Being at school with no car, I’ve had no income of my own, no personal money in my pocket. My parents, as most of you know lost my dad’s pay in August and have been struggling just to barely get by with their own finances. So it’s been just me walking along with God, waiting, watching and seeing Him provide my needs and for my parents. I’ve had a couple times where I got money in my mailbox at school from an anonymous someone and it’s been an absolute blessing as I see God taking care of me as He took care of the Israelites. In this scripture above by HIS hand they had victory, not by their sword or physical weapons, but by HIS hand, HIS mighty arm, because He LOVED them. His love is what conquered all.

Just like with my situation and my parents’ situation by God’s hand, we will prevail and get through this time. But during this time people see what we are made of, people watch you, they see what you do and how you handle situations in life that may hit you broadside. So, as for me I will handle it by giving it up to God and letting Him take care of me because I can’t do it on my own. People will see my faith and trust in the one whose hands hold me and move for me. It isn’t laziness, it’s not like I’m not trying to do anything about my situation. In fact I TRIED to do something about it, and I tried to take it upon myself and I fell hard on my butt. God just said, “No, I have you at school right now, give it to me and I will take care of it. TRUST me.” So, with my butt sore I give it up to Him and I can rest in the fact that God will take care of all my needs. He knows what I need, I talk with Him, I cry out to Him. He knows, so that’s all I can humanly possibly do. So God, again I give it up to you. I know, you know what my needs are and I trust and have faith that you will take care of my every need, not because you promise to do so, but because I know you LOVE me and want what’s best for me.

So, a lot has happened since I last updated. God is doing a lot in my life, teaching me so much and speaking to me loudly. God has provided money for my parents to keep our house, and stay afloat, and He’s also provided money for me by amazing means. For example, I checked my mail here at the school one day and I had an envelope with just my name on it, I open it and there in the envelope was $60 in cash. I just couldn’t believe it I was so blessed and it rejuvenated me and kept me going. I praised God for a couple days after that, not that I don’t praise Him every single day, but you know what I mean. I’ve seen God working in my life this semester not just in providing for me and my needs but speaking to me as well, leading me.

Ever since I got back to school this semester I’ve just had this yearning to live life, like really LIVE life. Maybe me turning 25 last month lit my fire about this. But, I’ve just been feeling like God was preparing me for something, I really didn’t know what it is, but I felt like He was getting ready to do something. Well, I was definitely right. I feel like God is leading me to leave NHCC and create a life for myself. If I stayed here to finish out I would be 27 years old, no car of my own, no money of my own, still living at home with my parents and that to me is unacceptable. I cannot and will not have a life like that. This just isn’t me though, I feel at peace with my decision and that it’s just time. I’m also going to find a job, save money, get involved in my church with the college group but as well as the youth group. The more I get involved the more I will be able to be in a place that I know God has called me to be, in Youth Ministry.

It’s not going to be easy to leave my friends and life here, and I know some of them don’t understand or agree with my decision but I know it’ll all be alright, because I know and feel this is what God wants for me. The majority of my friends are supportive but there are a few that don’t and it’s hard but I will continue on in faith. Having faith is making the decision to take the first step and see where God takes you and what He does. That’s exactly what I’m doing and I’m okay with that. People may not agree or understand but honestly that doesn’t matter to me because I don’t have to answer to anyone but God, and God is the only one who leads me. Other people can have their opinions and yeah, that’s okay but that doesn’t mean it’s going to influence me when I know and feel God is leading me a direction. Yeah it doesn’t make sense that God would take me away from here and lead me back, then take me away again. God does thing that don’t make any sense to others, but to the people involves it makes sense and you just know.

So that’s where I’m at right now, and it’s scary and life is about to burst open from me and it’s definitely exciting but I’m ready for it. A lot of prayer and support would be great right now and definitely welcomed. You guys are all great, I love you all so very much. Well, I’m off to lunch! Hope you all have an amazing day today!