“From the depths of my soul I cry out to you my God, my healer, my fortress. Only you O Lord can heal me and mend me. It is by your hand that I have and find peace. A calming peace that can only come from you. In the times of opposition and weakness you hold me up and stabilize my feet, helping me stand firm on your solid rock. Your love and faithfulness surround me as the enemy draws closer to destroy me.

I fall to my knees out of full desperation for you my God. Rescue me out of the enemies plans to destroy my life and your plan for me. I scream out to you at the top of my lungs. I know I can’t do this without you. Stand with me Lord for I have not enough strength without you. Wrap me in your arms, your strong arms of safety, love, and power. Be with me God. I put everything in your hands because I trust you. You will not harm me. I know you will protect me.

I picture you standing away from me, seeing the enemy getting closer. You're waiting for me to realize the danger I'm in. I see it and desperately look for you because I can feel you close by. I see you and knew you were waiting for me. I start to desperately run to you because only in your arms I am safe from the enemy and by your name they flee away from me. Your name, your powerful, sovereign name. I praise your name for only your name is holy and worthy of such praise. Let everyone praise your name my Lord!”

My heart's cry and plea right now. God please hear my cry.

This past week I started my online classes through my school to do over the summer. I chose two classes History of Christianity and Romans/Galatians. I knew I was excited about my History of Christianity class because I’ve always loved history in school, and especially now because it’s about where my “religion” started and thrived to be what it is today. But I honestly wasn’t sure what my Romans/Galatians class would be like. I’ve found just through the first week that I have been hooked on the commentary book we’re supposed to read. I have highlighted so much and have been engaged and drawn in by the real message behind Paul writing the book of Romans. I don’t know how many times I’ve read out of Romans but never really grasped the true message he was trying to give and share. There is one point that he makes clear that has really stuck with me and kinda convicted me. Paul talks about it in Romans Ch. 2 but continues it in Romans 3 (which I saw when I did my devotions today).

I know some Christians are quick to judge others which is really sad. I think we’ve all done it at least once and sometimes much more. I know I am not exempt from that. But in Romans Paul hits on this very subject. In Ch. 2 verse 3 Paul says “So when you, a mere human, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?” I think sometimes because we are forgiven and saved that we can get away with things and just not think about it. Again, I am not exempt from it. I know I am not aware that I may think that but it happens. We can act like the Gentiles (unsaved) and yet we know God will just forgive us so we may do it anyway. Which is sadly the case sometimes. We are not exempt from God’s judgment, we all will be judged one day and we will be judged accordingly like the unsaved. God doesn’t show favoritism. —God “will repay everyone according to what they have done” (vs. 6)…there will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For God does not show favoritism.”

(v (9-11) As you can see here, even though we are saved doesn’t mean the ungodly things we do will just disappear. God knows all and he will judge us all accordingly. So in knowing that don’t you think we might as well live a life that will honor God and worship Him? I would think and hope so. I know I feel that way. Yes, we will mess up and yes we are human and God knows we sin. But, we need to live our lives to honor God and we can only do that if we live according to our faith in Him and his Word. Now for my devotions today I read out of Romans 3 which is the next chapter in my homework so I kinda got an early start on it. But in v 22-24 it ties into the previous scriptures.

“This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” The righteous will live by faith. It is our FAITH in Him that keep us on the straight and narrow path and why we live by his Word and uphold the truths of ‘the law’ (The Bible). Hebrews 11:6 states “And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.” It is our faith and faith in Him and in the salvation He has given us that we need to mindful of. We all sin, it’s a fact none of us are exempt from even that. But our faith is what keeps us thriving and going. So with that in mind, is your faith thriving? Do you live by faith and not by sight? (2 Corinthians 5:7)

I encourage you to examine your life and your heart. Are you living in faith, knowing and believing in Jesus Christ? Do you believe in his promises? Do you live your life holy and pleasing to God? Remember that we all sin and fall short so don’t beat yourself up about it, but really examine your life and allow God to speak to you and minister to you. I know when I open myself up to Him, he speaks and I feel so much better about my circumstances. Be encouraged today and find joy in your life and hearts!

In Honor of Mother's Day

Sunday May 8^th, 2011

Today is Mother’s Day. It’s easy to pinpoint the things that you love about your Mom. You can look at her and see the ways you’re alike or not. My Mom and I have a real special relationship. Her and I are so close that she’s pretty much my best friend. We are alike in so many ways that we are mistaken for each other all the time. Even on the phone I have to make sure to say that it’s me on the phone because we sound so much alike. My Mom is pretty much amazing. There aren’t really words to describe my Mom fully because there are so many to count. She’s really indescribable. I just love her so much.

So in lieu of Mother’s Day I’m reminded of the amazing Mother’s in the Bible. The two that stick out to me the most is Mary mother of Jesus and Hannah the mother of Samuel. Both women tremendously amazing in their own ways. Mary was chosen by God to bear His son Jesus. She went through many trials during that time as she was a virgin who became pregnant before her marriage to Joseph. In those days you were shamed and even stoned to death for such an act. But she was God’s chosen one and he protected her from all that could have come. She gave birth to Jesus and took care of him. Nurtured him, watched him grow, nursed his wounds when he fell down. She was his Mother and she did her job well. But she also had to endure one of the biggest trials a Mother could ever imagine to go through. She had to watch her son Jesus be crucified on a cross and die. She watched him suffer, be beaten, and scarred for the sins of mankind. But she never left. She could have but she didn’t. She loved him enough to watch this all unfold. Why do you think she did that? Well, I think it’s because she wanted him to know that she was there, as a comfort to him maybe. Then, when Jesus was on the cross he looked at Mary and told her to behold her son who was James, and for James to behold his Mother.

“When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, “Dear woman, here is your son.” And he said to this disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home.” John 19:26-27

I think Jesus wanted Mary to know that he hadn’t forgotten her faithfulness and love so he made sure that she knew she’d be taken care of. Mothers are so amazing and they never get the gratitude they deserve. We all have moments where we disrespect them and cop and attitude, but it’s days like these where we can reflect on how great they are. Hannah to me was also a mother who sacrificed q lot for her son Samuel. Hannah desired to have children but she was barren. She wanted a child so bad that she went to the Tabernacle to pray to God. She was in such anguish that the priest Eli thought she was drunk because she was praying and he couldn’t hear her. She prayed to God and told Him that if He gave her a son or a child that she would dedicate their life to Him and she’d give Him to God for his whole life. God honored her prayer and gave her a son whom she named Samuel. When Samuel came of age she brought him to the priest Eli and told him her promise to God that she would give her son to Him for his entire life. So Eli took Samuel in as his own.

Can you imagine what Hannah must have felt? She prayed in deep anguish and desire to have a child, but when she finally got one she gave him up to the Lord and sacrificed in a way. She let go of having the joys of raising this child and nurturing him, having him all to herself. But she didn't get that. She could have told God “No, I just can’t! I finally have a son and I can’t give him up!” But she didn’t! She kept her promise to God like He did to her and gave Samuel to the Lord for him to serve him with His life. Samuel became the man who anointed King David to become King! I bet Hannah never thought her cherished son would have such a future. He probably wouldn’t have if she didn’t give him to the Lord like she promised.

Mother’s get overlooked often, and I know I too overlook how much my Mom gives to me and how much she means to me. She really is an amazing woman of God that I am so lucky to have as my own Mom. I’m proud to call her my Mom. All the people who come in contact with her are blessed beyond measure because of the way she loves people. She loves people like Jesus does, unconditionally, sacrificially and with all that she has in her. Don’t forget to honor your Mother not just today, but every day you can because she deserves it on more than one occasion.

Faith

I’m sitting here at a picnic table on Coeur D’Alene lake. It’s cold, but so peaceful. I didn’t plan to come here because of the weather, but when I got to Starbucks it was packed with no comfortable place to sit. So I went by Dutch Bro’s instead and got a coffee and came here. I find the waves calming. I’m reminded of my last blog entry about Peter walking on the water. I can’t help but wonder what it must have been like. In saying that, the word faith seems to be my word lately. I even found a keychain that says ‘faith’ and I put it on my key ring. So because of that I decided to do a word study on the word faith. (Dr. B would be proud) lol!

In STRONGS CONCORDANCE it says that the definition of the word faith in Greek is πίστεως = pisteuo (pist-yoo'o) from 4102; to have faith (in, upon, or with respect to, a person or thing), i.e. credit; by implication, to entrust (especially one's spiritual well-being to Christ):--believe(-r), commit (to trust), put in trust with.

The first definition to have faith in, upon, or with respect to a person or thing. We as followers of Christ we should have such a high regard for God, which is why we put our faith in Him. The second to entrust especially one’s spiritual well-being. Which is why God asks us to put our faith in Him because he wants our spiritual well-being in all aspects of our spiritual walk with Him. Last definition being a believer, committed, to put in trust with. This is exactly why God calls us to have faith as believers. If you believe in something, you don’t doubt it, you have faith in it! So you put your trust in it or the person. My best friend Becca is a good example of that. Her and I are so close, we trust each other, we believe in each other, we have faith in each other and our relationship. Months can go by without us seeing each other or spending time with each other and once we’re reunited together it’s like we just saw each other the day before. We should think about our relationship with God in the same way. You may not spend a lot of time with Him, and months can go by but once you’re reunited with Him in his presence it’s like you just had coffee with him the day before. That’s why we as followers of Christ believe in Him and have so much faith in Him.

If we don’t trust him and put our faith in him, there’s no point in having a relationship with God. It wouldn’t be real. You’d just be going through the motions and that isn’t enough!

Hebrews 11:6

“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” ESV

God desires a relationship with you like the relationship you have with your best friend. If you think about God in that regard I think it’d be easier to spend time with him. I’ve learned this since December. I’ve been through a lot of hardships since then and I found myself going down a dark road as grief took hold of me. But I realize that when I spend time with God, I feel so much better. I feel encouraged, rejuvenated, joyful and positive. (Which is how I feel when I’m spending time with Becca.) So you see, it’s so much more than just going through the motions. Take the time to have a real relationship with God and I promise you, your life will be and feel so much better. But again, it’s your choice. I made it and I feel a lot better. I don’t feel like the world is over and that I’m in a pit of despair all the time. I’m laughing more, I’m a lot more positive, and I’m looking at life a whole new way! God has that effect on people. *wink* So give it a try! What have you got to lose? [[]]

“Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” – Matthew 14:29-31

I don’t know what it is about this story in the Bible but it always grabs me. I always come back to how amazing it must have been for Peter walk on water! Can you imagine? Walking on top of the water and not sinking!? It would be an exhilarating feeling I would think. I wonder what Peter must have been feeling as he is walking on water! But you gotta look at it another way as well. He was walking on water as long as his eyes were fixed on Jesus and his faith in GOD not himself was on point. We see in the scriptures that as soon as he doubted Jesus and took his eyes off of Him, he began to sink and the water consumed him. Peter was known as the ‘chief disciple’ of Jesus’ 12. He was Jesus’ number one guy, which goes to show we all can stumble and start to sink at any given time. We aren’t perfect, far from actually and even though we take our eyes off of Him, he’s there to pick us up and bring us out of it.

He knows we’re gonna mess up and take our eyes off Him at some point, but he still loves us regardless. Peter has been on my mind since Easter when my Pastor brought to life what the trial of Jesus and everything that happened with that from Peter’s perspective. Peter said at the last supper that he would die for Jesus, and put his life on the line for him. As any loyal and trustworthy friend would do for us. Peter couldn’t believe and even fathom the thought of denying the one He knew to be the Messiah, let alone deny him three times! He thought what Jesus was saying sounded crazy! Which is why he told Jesus that he would die for him, rather than deny him. But that didn’t go the way Peter thought it would. When Jesus was arrested Peter put to action his promise to protect and die for the Messiah. But when he did, Jesus basically shamed him.

“Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. With that, one of Jesus’ companions (who was Peter) reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear. “Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” – Matthew 26:50-53

At that point I’m sure Peter thought “Um yeah! So where are they! Call them down!!” I can imagine that Peter must have been stunned, and confused but more was yet to come. As Jesus was taken before the Sanhedrin and they were questioning him Peter stuck close outside, three people approached them proclaiming that they knew he was one of the disciples, and three times he denied it. After the third denial his eyes locked with Jesus’ and he suddenly realized all he had just done. Can you imagine? I know I couldn’t. Grief and guilt must have begun to consume him, which is why he left and went back to being a fisherman. Now stay with me here cause I know I’m writing a lot. So Jesus was sacrificed, hung on a cross for our sins, and the rest is history. My point is right here. Peter went back to fishing and being a fisherman because he must have thought that he wasn’t good enough for Jesus to die for him, he didn’t feel like he deserved it, much like we do sometimes. But this is where my point is. After Jesus rose again he appeared to his disciples but he focuses on Peter…

“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” – John 21: 15-19

Peter denied Jesus three times, and then when Jesus saw him again He asked Peter three times do you love me? Connection being he was kinda reinstating Peter with Him. Showing him that all was forgiven and that he was worthy of the sacrifice Jesus made, and He showed Peter the plans and potential of greatness that He had right in front of him. After Jesus went up to heaven Peter led and preached the amazing outpouring of the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost in Acts chapter 2. I’m sure at that point Peter never thought of all that God had planned for his life. Jesus knew Peter’s potential! He knows us that well. We tend to not feel worthy enough for the same sacrifice but Jesus steps in and seeks us out because He knows that He died for us, and that he wasn’t sacrificed in vain. Much like Peter, he KNOWS that the plans He has for our lives are full of potential and full of life and amazingness. But in order for that to happen we must seek Him as well. In any relationship it’s a two way street.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:13

But like I said, it does go both ways… which is why God makes it clear that He too wants us and wants us to seek him.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” – Revelation 3:20

God is there, he will help us like he did Peter when he started sink. He sacrificed himself for us, because he loves us. This is something I myself have needed to hear and swallow. It hasn’t been easy, but truth hits ya sometimes and it’s those time where even though it hits you so hard, you need to hear it.

Keeping Me Guessing

Lately with certain situations that have come up in my life the past three weeks or so, God has been putting a lot on my heart. These things have a lot to do with control. I've noticed the last five years or so that I am one to like having control of my life. I'm a planner, so I like to plan things. Being spontaneous is not one of my favorite attributes, in fact the couple times I have been spontaneous it ended up giving me more problems than it turning out well. So in saying that, I plan. I like knowing what's going on in my life and I do like surprises, but only when it comes to things like parties, and surprising news from friends. That I can handle. But any other kind of surprise especially ones that are in my life... I have trouble with.

So within the past month or so, I've had a couple things happen not in my life directly. But seeing my closest friends happy like they are brings me so much joy I can't even begin to explain. My friends are everything to me, and I cherish all my close relationships especially since there are only a handful of people that I allow in my main circle of close and tight friends. In their happiness I have had much time to reflect on my own life, much like I have been since events in February with the passing of my dear Grandpa. Seeing their happiness I too have been infected by it, but it hasn't be easy.

God has been saying to me, "Trust me, give it to me, let me have things, give me your burdens, give me control." Everything else is great to give up, but full control of my life? That's another thing entirely. Give full control of my life to someone else? I chuckled to myself at the thought of it, but that soon became a ton of bricks falling on top of me, (in a good way if that's possible.) If there was anyone I would want to give full control of my life too.....DUH! It would be God. Who could be better? Um, yeah, no one. Sounds easy enough right? No. Not really. But it makes sense and I know it's something that I need to do. So in finally giving up my life and making that decision to give God everything He's been speaking to me in different ways.

First way, is him showing me that happiness is a CHOICE. Wow, so true. It is a choice and He gives you that choice by giving us free will. We have the freedom to choose to be happy and joyful or not. WOW. He's so right, and have you ever gotten irritated at God because He was right? Haha, oh yeah. I'm sure you have many times like I have. Secondly God has been speaking to me through my friends. Tonight, one of my dear friends had a status of lyrics to a song. The song was "Keeping Me Guessing" by Francesca Battistelli, a Christian artist. I had never heard that song before but the lyrics grabbed me so I googled the song and listened to it. I felt God speaking to me so clearly that this song I have labeled as my theme song for my life right now. The chorus says this...

(Chorus)

‘Cause I don’t know how the story ends
But I’ll be alright ‘cause You wrote it
I don’t know where the highway bends
But I’m doing just fine
‘Cause You’re in control
Even when I don’t know
Where my life’s gonna go
You’re keeping me guessing

It's SO TRUE! No wonder why God wanted me to give up everything to Him because HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO! He knows where my life is going better than I ever could! If I were to take control of my life I would end up only God knows where....but with God being the one in control I know that if I listen to him and follow HIS MAP for my life, I'll be walking down the right roads not getting lost and ending up broken down in a ditch not knowing how I'm gonna get out. Wow! Thirdly God has revealed and given me back my voice. For a couple months now I felt as though I had lost my voice. Not literally but spiritually, mostly in worship. I hadn't really sang during worship since December when I left school. I just didn't sing, I felt lost, so my voice was gone and I didn't know how I was gonna get it back. But I felt as though I couldn't honor God fully without a voice. A voice to worship, a voice to speak, a voice to share what God was doing in my life. He gave us a voice for a reason and without it, it's hard to know how to give God glory. Yeah you can glorify God by your actions, but they only go so far. God loves to HEAR the voices of his people worshiping Him.

So in church on Sunday, Easter Sunday I sang with all of me worshiping the Lord that died a brutal death on the cross because He loves me! What a better day to remember what your voice was meant for! I was infused with my passion for the only lover of my soul. My soul longs and thirsts for Him as He desires me, to be close to me, to love me, to show me that He is always there for me. What an amazing love I have in Him. I need no other love than His, it's hard not to be full of joy and happiness when you have what I have in Jesus. Thank you Lord for loving me as much as you do and always being there and never leaving me, even my darkest hour. I'm amazed by you and I love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul.

Wow! So much has happened since my last blog. I don't even know where to begin. My first semester at NHCC was a rough one. I went through a time where I was in a denial of what I felt God wanted for my life and even what I wanted. I felt as though I was at NHCC because it was what was expected of me. And I lost all motivation and to do my best and now looking back now I regret it. I finished school there with the plans to pursue something else entirely which was photography school. God opened all the doors and I thought everything was good! Life seemed great. I got home, and the next day everything seemed to hit the fan and go wrong. The biggest thing was my Grandpa who had be fighting lung cancer for two years took a turn for the worst. So the beginning of January instead of starting school I left with my Mom to California to help my Grandma take care of him.

Doctors found a tumor in his brain the size of a plum, so he needed surgery. Even before then he seemed off and not all there and it got worse. The surgery went well and things seemed to be on the up. Mom and I were in California for about three and a half weeks and she decided to make our way home with the plans to come back within a couple weeks. That didn't end up happening. A week later Grandpa died and I felt my world crumble from underneath me. My Grandpa was the most important man in my life. He was one of my biggest fans, wanting me to have every happiness I could ever think of or want. He meant the most to me out of every man I have in my life right now. Without having my friends surrounded around me I fell apart. But I had my family which was amazing. We all surrounded each other to get through the biggest loss we have ever had to deal with together.

It's been a rough couple months, but the entire time God was speaking to me. I felt as though God took me away from NHCC not to go to photography school but be home with my family through this time. It hasn't been easy cause at times I still don't understand why God would bring me away from my life in Eugene. I was definitely happy in Eugene and my life seemed set and perfect. Yet, God had another plan and like always they are had to understand and they don't make sense. But that's what having faith is. Trusting that even though you have no clue what's going on or where life is going to take you, God DOES! He knows what He's doing, He knows the plan that HE has for you and that's all that really matters.

God doesn't promise that life is going to be easy if you choose to have Him in your life and follow after Him. But he does promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. That the plans he has for your life are plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and an amazing future. I can deal with those promises cause we end up coming up on top. What's not to love about that? God loves us so much and He wants to give us all our hearts' desires and I love Him so much for loving me as much as He does. It really is an amazing love.