First Week Reflections

First week of Classes DONE! So crazy how life is sometimes. Even though I found out I won’t be graduating until NEXT year, I am super blessed and excited for what God has for me. Ultimately it’s about HIS plan in the end right? That just means I get two more semesters at New Hope rather than being done in the Spring. Life is just so exciting. Thinking about what next year is going to hold is so amazing. I am super excited to get to see my best friend get married in May to someone who has become like a brother and close friend to me. I am just amazed at how God brings things together in HIS time. I’m also excited to see what God does with MY life as well.

For one of my classes my teacher gave us a questionnaire that isn’t just a questionnaire like “what’s your favorite color” these are questions that really make you evaluate and think about your life right now, and even the far future. It’s such a deep questionnaire that none of us finished it in the hour and a half period we had. But it really made me start thinking about my life. Whether it’s been thinking about things I’ve always said I want to do, or about what I want my life to look like in five to ten years.

I know that God is writing my story but I know there are things in life that I want to experience and do before I have a family of my own. I’m 25 years old and not getting any younger, so I hope that this next summer I will be able to spend it traveling and doing things that I’ve always wanted to do. We’ll see what happens. But, ultimately this week has been exciting and thrilling. I also love my roommate Ali who is one of my closest friends! We get along so well and we’ve said it’s like having a sleepover every single night! Lol! It’s been great and I cannot wait to see what God does in both of our lives this year. So there’s the rundown on my first week of my “Junior/Senior year” and I know it’s gonna continue to be amazing! God have your way!! 

At His Feet

Today in church Pastor’s sermon was titled, “At Whose Feet Do You Fall?” Just the title hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew this was for me. At times of struggle, pain, sorrow, grief, at whose feet do you fall? Do you rely on a book of helps that tells you how to get through it? Do you rely on the bottle of Jack Daniels to get you through it? Or do you immediately fall at the feet of the ONLY one who can get you through it and end up a conqueror? We as humans have the tendency to firstly choose a worldly object. Falling at the feet of God isn’t normally our first option is it? It ends up being the last option, when we hit our final straw and all the others left you in the same place you were when you started.

This entire lesson hit me right between the eyes and changed me. With Grandma’s passing it has completely hit me. I don’t feel like I have yet to start the process of grieving. I have been content allowing it to be put on the back burner, not dealing with it. It’s been okay there, until I realized it’s done nothing for me but keep me stagnant. Which is not a place anybody wants to be. I have spent today trying to process where I’m at, and sift through emotions. In the end it’s led me to the cross, to the feet of the ONLY one who can get me through this. Even if He has to carry me, HE and only the LORD can get me through this.

So at the feet of Jesus I fall, completely abandoning every emotion, heartache, grief, everything! Because I know that I cannot get through this unless He is taking me through it. There is a new beginning in life that starts here. When a chapter ends, a new one begins, that’s just life. But it’s how you deal with that ending, that affects the beginning. I choose to give the end and the beginning to Jesus because I know that even though endings are hard and sad, the beginning is going to be even better. God’s plans are to prosper us and give us a hope for the future. I like the sound of my chances.

New School Year

In three days I will be getting on a plane heading back to what has been my home for the last three years at New Hope Christian College in Eugene. I am filled with excitement and a lot of other things. With Grandma’s death still feeling so new I have yet to pass through the entire grief process. I have started it, but getting on with life without her is going to be my hardest challenge. Not having that person to talk to on a rough day like I was able too, is going to be such a transition. I know my friends are there for me and will help me get through it, but I still can’t help but feel the pain and sting of loss every single day.

I am excited though, it’s a new year! So much excitement is surrounding this new school year. My best friend is getting married!! I love her and her future husband Casey so much, he’s like a brother to me and I couldn’t be happier for them. I can’t help but feel excited for what new phase of life this year is becoming for me and those closest to me even before the school year has officially begun. One thing I can count on to be true is God’s constant love, provision, and guidance. That I can be sure of. It’s scary thinking about graduating soon and going towards the great unknown. Me being the kind of person who feels like I need to have some sort of idea or plan as to what my next step is gonna be. 

I learned this summer during my internship that you can’t always have a plan, because you never know ultimately what GOD has planned and that my friends is the ultimate plan of action anyone could receive or have. So here I am again, trying my best to TRUST GOD’S Plan for my life, without trying to take the reins. It is very hard, but again God has proven himself trustworthy and I know He’s gonna take care of me and provide me with the happiness I long for. It’s also somewhat comforting knowing that my Grandparents are looking down at me and watching with anticipation as this exciting plan that God has for me unfolds. I look too and am so thankful for the people that God has put in my life at this moment. Life goes on and I plan to live my life to the fullest of my ability with these amazing friends, mentors and people that God has put in my life and I know there are more to come this next school year. I’m ready for a new chapter! Let’s do this God. You and Me!  

The Aftermath

One thing I’ve realized about life is that you always need to expect the unexpected. I had always heard in church that every day is not guaranteed to you, you never know what tomorrow is going to bring. I definitely have seen this come to pass recently with the passing of my Grandma. I still am in the stage of denial. I know she’s gone and I know she’s in heaven with my Grandpa but, I still cannot believe she’s gone. The day before she died I replay it every day in my mind. I know it’s going to take time and I understand that but it’s really tough.

With the passing of Grandma has come difficulties that I hadn’t had to deal with before. The separating and passing on of Grandma and Grandpa’s things, more so all of Grandma’s cook-wear and china, basically everything that made Grandma and Grandpa’s house, theirs. Even though I got some of these things, it just doesn’t seem real. I feel in a fog still and I wish I knew how long this is gonna take. I guess it’s just another part of life that you tend to go through. There are many questions I am still asking God, questions that are just for Him. He’s answering them slowly but surely and like I said before I know it’s going to take time. But this loss, the loss of the two most important people in my life has hit me broadside. 

I am so thankful for the friends and mentors in my life who have come alongside of me during this time of hardship. To those people, they know who they are. Thank you for all your support and encouragement you have given me and your continued prayers I feel every single day. I am also so thankful for my family. I foresee that even though Grandma and Grandpa are gone, we still remain strong and stable as we cling to each other for support and love. I love you all so much and am so thankful for each and every one of you. 

Grandma

My Grandma was one of those people who was friends with everyone she met. Any friends we would introduce her to she would tell them to just call her Grandma. She would even call the weather man by his first name like she knew him personally. My Grandma loved people to the best of her ability, especially when it came to the people she loved most. There were days at school when I had the roughest day possible and the only person besides my Mom that I wanted to talk too was my Grandma. She always made life not seem as hard or as bad as it was at the time. We could talk for hours on the phone about anything and everything.

One thing we both love is food, especially watching the food network channel. One of our favorite shows was Diners, Drive-in’s and Dives. She would call me on the phone and ask me if I saw the latest episode and she would describe to me her favorite meal of the show.  Whether it was the most amazing piece of meat she had ever seen or the most scrumptious plate of food she saw she would be salivating over it and just had to share it with me. Those moments are the kind of moments I will hold dear.

My Grandma showed her love for food by preparing the most grandest meals I could ever remember. We could just be having a family dinner and it was like Thanksgiving every single time. I would say the Holidays were her super bowl. She LOVED cooking and hearing the sounds of satisfaction coming from our mouths as we ate her food. One thing Grandma always said was “You can never skip Breakfast, it’s the most important meal of the day,” and nothing said breakfast like going over to Grandma and Grandpa’s. There would be a buffet of food, bacon, sausage, hash browns, toast, eggs cooked to order. When it came to family Grandma and Grandpa both did everything they could to see happiness on our faces. My Grandma taught me what it was like to be a stay at home Mom, and woman.To nurture, and raise a family up to be the best they can be, but most of all, she taught me love. Love in any kind of way I can think of. My Grandma was one of the most amazing women I have ever met and I can only do my best to strive and be the kind of strong, loving, stubborn and amazing woman she was. I love you Grandma and I will miss you every day.