These past couple weeks have been emotionally straining
and hard. I feel I’m daily fighting anxiety and the stress is so high. I realize
my devotions have been mostly out of Psalms. The anguish and the suffering
David went through was difficult to bear. In those times, he cried out to God
helplessly needing to hear from Him and be close to Him. I feel it helped him
deal with all the emotions he was feeling at those points. He cried out to God,
because He knew how good God is. He knew that the Lord would hear his cries and
answer Him. He had faith, faith that hurt. But he had enough to faith to
believe that God would eventually answer him, and rescue him from his
afflictions.
That’s the point where I’m at right now. I feel like I’ve
been through so much these past seven years and I’m ready for a new beginning.
I see something beautiful beyond the horizon, I know my suffering won’t be in
vain. I have faith that God will answer me and I see Him showing up enough to
know that something amazing is about to happen. The fresh beginning I’ve been
waiting for, and so desperately need. I feel like He’s moved so much in my life
that He’s transformed me in so many ways. In thinking about graduation coming
up and my last semester coming next fall, I realize that I am not the same girl
that came here to EBC/NHCC. God has transformed me into the woman He’s wanted me
to be and sees me being. He’s been equipping me for whatever future He has for
me. Albeit painful, but it’s been so good.
I know that through my suffering something amazing and
beautiful is going to come of it. I have faith enough in the Lord, and have seen
all that He’s done for me so I have no reason to doubt Him now. Like David in
his anguish, I will praise the Lord for what He’s done and will continue to do.
I know He will help me get through the loss of losing my Grandma who was the
most important person in my life besides my Mom. My Grandma was my best friend,
I miss her more than words can describe and I know God is faithful and has been
right beside me this entire time.
In the midst of my anguish and pain, I have faith. I
know my God is real and I know nothing is impossible as long as He is by my
side, which is always. He’s never not with me. I’m okay to admit that I know He
is carrying me right now as my strength is almost non-existent. But He is
there. He will remain. He is always constant. He will deliver me, He will help
me, He will heal me, He will help me conquer this. I will have victory over
this. But until that time, I will praise Him through it. I know it’s okay to be
in pain, and it’s okay to hurt. I know it’s normal to feel that way when you’ve
been through so much hardship right after the other. But in that, I cling to
the Lord because I will only be victorious through Him. He has me, and I can
wake up every day knowing I will be okay, even though it hurts and is painful, because
I know He is there. Faith is never easy, but it’s in that faith that the pain
is diminished and healed.
