The Holiday season seems different this year. The magic seems to be gone as much as I have tried to conjure up some sort of yuletide cheer. It just isn't hitting me as it normally has in the past. Could it be that I've finally hit a time in my life where Christmas has lost it's appeal? I hope not. I hope it's just a down time in life and it just so happens to be around Christmas. It's definitely different with Grandma and Grandpa both being gone this year. It's such a bitter realization even now after a couple months of Grandma being gone. It still doesn't feel real. Grandma and Grandpa were Christmas for as long as I could remember. They went out of their way to make Christmas special for all of us grandkids. We never went without even though they barely had anything. It's that sacrifical love that they gave that we all held so dear to our hearts. They made Christmas what Christmas is. How is Christmas ever going to be the same? I feel even though this year has been a hard year, there is a new promise of a new year. A new year of change, of happiness and new beginnings. I have no idea what that is going to look like though. I had a friend post a status on Facebook the other day, he asked "Would you rather go in the past and change something, or look into the future to know something." Such a great question and it stopped me. I gave it some thought and I definitely would choose to look into the future. My past has made me who I am today and even though those things in my past were hard, I would never want to erase them. My past is who I am, but I would so love to look into the future to just get a little glimpse of what is to come. It's the one thing that I would desire. So many time I've agonized over what my future is going to look like, impatience is definitely a struggle of mine, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my future. lol.
But in that I realize that even though Grandma and Grandpa are gone, life still goes on. They would want me to go on with life and find the happiness they always wanted for me. I remember sitting at their dinner table with my best friend Becca and she was telling them about the young man in her life, my Grandma looked at me at one point and I knew what her eyes said. She longed to see me as happy as Becca seemed. My Grandparents always knew of my value and they knew exactly the potential my future held if I just continued listening to the Lord in my life. I'm sure when that happiness comes along, they will be looking down at me, beaming from ear to ear because they got a front row seat to the rest of my life.
This season is going to be difficult, but I'm choosing to find the joy in this season and hopefully in doing that I will find the magic once again. I miss you Grandma and Grandpa so much. Christmas will never be the same without you guys.
