Keeping Me Guessing

Lately with certain situations that have come up in my life the past three weeks or so, God has been putting a lot on my heart. These things have a lot to do with control. I've noticed the last five years or so that I am one to like having control of my life. I'm a planner, so I like to plan things. Being spontaneous is not one of my favorite attributes, in fact the couple times I have been spontaneous it ended up giving me more problems than it turning out well. So in saying that, I plan. I like knowing what's going on in my life and I do like surprises, but only when it comes to things like parties, and surprising news from friends. That I can handle. But any other kind of surprise especially ones that are in my life... I have trouble with.

So within the past month or so, I've had a couple things happen not in my life directly. But seeing my closest friends happy like they are brings me so much joy I can't even begin to explain. My friends are everything to me, and I cherish all my close relationships especially since there are only a handful of people that I allow in my main circle of close and tight friends. In their happiness I have had much time to reflect on my own life, much like I have been since events in February with the passing of my dear Grandpa. Seeing their happiness I too have been infected by it, but it hasn't be easy.

God has been saying to me, "Trust me, give it to me, let me have things, give me your burdens, give me control." Everything else is great to give up, but full control of my life? That's another thing entirely. Give full control of my life to someone else? I chuckled to myself at the thought of it, but that soon became a ton of bricks falling on top of me, (in a good way if that's possible.) If there was anyone I would want to give full control of my life too.....DUH! It would be God. Who could be better? Um, yeah, no one. Sounds easy enough right? No. Not really. But it makes sense and I know it's something that I need to do. So in finally giving up my life and making that decision to give God everything He's been speaking to me in different ways.

First way, is him showing me that happiness is a CHOICE. Wow, so true. It is a choice and He gives you that choice by giving us free will. We have the freedom to choose to be happy and joyful or not. WOW. He's so right, and have you ever gotten irritated at God because He was right? Haha, oh yeah. I'm sure you have many times like I have. Secondly God has been speaking to me through my friends. Tonight, one of my dear friends had a status of lyrics to a song. The song was "Keeping Me Guessing" by Francesca Battistelli, a Christian artist. I had never heard that song before but the lyrics grabbed me so I googled the song and listened to it. I felt God speaking to me so clearly that this song I have labeled as my theme song for my life right now. The chorus says this...

(Chorus)

‘Cause I don’t know how the story ends
But I’ll be alright ‘cause You wrote it
I don’t know where the highway bends
But I’m doing just fine
‘Cause You’re in control
Even when I don’t know
Where my life’s gonna go
You’re keeping me guessing

It's SO TRUE! No wonder why God wanted me to give up everything to Him because HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO! He knows where my life is going better than I ever could! If I were to take control of my life I would end up only God knows where....but with God being the one in control I know that if I listen to him and follow HIS MAP for my life, I'll be walking down the right roads not getting lost and ending up broken down in a ditch not knowing how I'm gonna get out. Wow! Thirdly God has revealed and given me back my voice. For a couple months now I felt as though I had lost my voice. Not literally but spiritually, mostly in worship. I hadn't really sang during worship since December when I left school. I just didn't sing, I felt lost, so my voice was gone and I didn't know how I was gonna get it back. But I felt as though I couldn't honor God fully without a voice. A voice to worship, a voice to speak, a voice to share what God was doing in my life. He gave us a voice for a reason and without it, it's hard to know how to give God glory. Yeah you can glorify God by your actions, but they only go so far. God loves to HEAR the voices of his people worshiping Him.

So in church on Sunday, Easter Sunday I sang with all of me worshiping the Lord that died a brutal death on the cross because He loves me! What a better day to remember what your voice was meant for! I was infused with my passion for the only lover of my soul. My soul longs and thirsts for Him as He desires me, to be close to me, to love me, to show me that He is always there for me. What an amazing love I have in Him. I need no other love than His, it's hard not to be full of joy and happiness when you have what I have in Jesus. Thank you Lord for loving me as much as you do and always being there and never leaving me, even my darkest hour. I'm amazed by you and I love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul.