Twists and Turns

Life can be unexpected sometimes. The harsh reality hits out of nowhere and you are met with a decision. A decision to let this reality get the better of you, or decide to fight back and keep yourself grounded. I have been having to do just that these past two months. Life gave me an unexpected turn that I was not ready for, and I didn't understand.

I thought I had found the one for me. I thought that this man would be my everything for the rest of my life. I thought my search was finally over. In the end, it wasn't. Two months ago it ended and my heart was broken in a way I had never experienced before. Heartache, pain, regrets all hit me like a wave. I again was left with unknowns, and confusion.

In that time I clung to what I knew. God loved me. His love is what lasts longer than any earthly love I could find. I found comfort knowing that this heartache wasn't a surprise to God. God knew it was coming, He knew it was going to happen. I found myself asking, "Why would you let his happen? If you didn't mean for it to last, why God?" Confused and crying out to God He slowly started to answer.

I had been blinded. Blinded by the excitement of being in love, blinded by my own desires, blinded by my emotions. He slowly started to show me the road I had no idea I was walking down. He knew it would have destroyed me. Once I came to that harsh reality the pain lessened and got easier to deal with. Seeing full well that God once again, swooped in and rescued me from a path I couldn't see myself. Love. God's Love is what has always gotten me through.

¹² For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God].

¹³ And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:12-13 (Amplified Bible)

God sees the bigger picture. God is omniscient defined as 'All knowing'. I thought I was happy in this relationship and I was for a time, but I was blinded by what I could not see. The path I was on would have eventually destroyed me. Healing took place after this realization. A healing within myself. I forgave myself for the regrets, and things I wish I had done differently. I was at peace with the loss of the man I loved to the best of my ability. I finally am able to look back and smile for what we shared and experienced. I no longer regret, I just continue moving forward with hope for the future that God so intricately knows with every detail.

Jeremiah 29:11 reigns true to this day in my life. Beyond the heartache, beyond the confusion, beyond the uncertainty. God's plan for my life is what I cling to. The HOPE that surpasses all. His LOVE for me is the ultimate wonder of it all.

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love." - John 15:9